It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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