I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
