I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Randomize
