I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize