dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Too much gin, very little bucket
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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