i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
