He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
