DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
