I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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