well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
