I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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