8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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