Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
