you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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