OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
