I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize