This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
