I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can i not drive my cunt home
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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