I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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