somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
