the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize