Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
