i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
