Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
