Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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