omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
