entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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