I think my vagina is haunted
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
