And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
