break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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