I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
