dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Randomize
