guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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