dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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