Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
