i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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