no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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