Define "chronic" masturbator.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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