Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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