A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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