I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
