I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
