My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
