what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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