last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
