I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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