Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize