I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
