I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
