i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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