so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
