When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Boobs speak an international language.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
