At least make sure they are 18
Why
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Drunk is not a location!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
