Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
