I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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