is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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