just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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