Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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