I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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