They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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