4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize