hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
