i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
