I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
