So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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