Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
