This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
