I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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