the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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