ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
