On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
