Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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