it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
