apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
