When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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