why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
