I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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