She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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