i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
