sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
