i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
