no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize