Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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